A Glimpse Into Parenthood

Back home, on Sunday - it is Mother's Day so no matter what... I must remember to call home! It was so scary for me to come to Uganda and think that I would not have internet nearly as often as I have been. Imagine - no facebook, no emails, no skype... I honestly think I would be ok if I wasn't even half as close to my family as I have become over the last couple years. I think most people will say they are close with their mom and dad but for me... It hasn't always been that way... Yeah, we talk all the time and we have generally have always gotten along but I think from my 15-19 age range... I was slightly disconnected from the world and forgot what was acceptable and what wasn't. I mean, I have always talked to my parents and tried to be honest with them but I always wanted to do my own thing and thought my business was my own.. The typical teenage rebellion would be fair to say. Over the years though and in particular... The moment I finally pulled my head out of my butt (around 20 years old)... I have started to see that everything my mom and dad have done for me... was out of love. The constant phone calls were to make sure I was safe. The no drinking until you are 18 was to protect me from consequences (those consequences did suck!). The curfew was to keep me safe. All of the things I hated the most are making sense to me now.

I am writing about this because today when I took my W in town for chocolate cake and soda, I was approached for the 50th time by Ugandan women asking if I was his Mommy. This is always a tough conversation because you don't want to explain that the child in your arms is actually an orphan and you are just donating your time and money for an outting at that exact moment. So, I have started just by replying "Yes, I am." I don't consider this a lie because when I am taking a child out in public, caring for him, worrying over his every move and paying for his sweeties all while disiplining him and teaching him manners and good social behaviours... I consider that a mothers role. Even tonight - I have become very very attached to a 7 month old baby boy named R... He has been sick ever since we got him and the last couple days have been especially worse... Anyways, tonight I picked him up and was cuddling him. I found myself watching his breathing and making sure he was comfortable at all times. I held him for 2 hours just watching him and wondering what he was thinking and feeling. My heart ached for him when he projectile vomited on me twice yesterday - any other child back home would do this to me and I would be so grossed out.

I guess I am getting a very good glimpse of parenthood here. I am starting to understand what it is like to truly love something so much you would do anything for them. While these kids will only be apart of my every day life for 2 months, I know they will be in my heart forever. I know what it is like to want to create rules and boundaries for my kids out of love and protection now. I know why my parents were as crazy as I thought they were (and maybe still kindof are!!) ! =)

Kwagala Nyo*